


Can You Hear My Heartbeat?

by SchalaDresdan



Series: Being Human [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Accident, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Amputation, Angst, Car Accidents, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Major Character Injury, Serious Injuries, Temporary Character Death, major angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2020-12-17 07:42:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21050774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SchalaDresdan/pseuds/SchalaDresdan
Summary: In this world, androids are commonplace. The newest models are known as ‘transfer androids’, created to look like the human whose consciousness is transferred into them. At 18, people of this world can choose whether they want to be ‘transferred’ or not when their human bodies die.A past trauma caused Yuuri to distrust transferring. When the time came, he chose to turn down the transfer option completely.And then, one day an accident shattered Yuuri’s perfect world.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In this world, androids are commonplace. The newest models are known as ‘transfer androids’, created to look like the human whose consciousness is transferred into them. At 18, people of this world can choose whether they want to be ‘transferred’ or not when their human bodies die. The process is fairly common, and even though the androids are pricey, payment plans are available for those that need them.
> 
> This piece was written for the Viktuuri Angst Bang, and features art by the talented Bectara. Please visit her [Deviantart account](https://www.deviantart.com/bectara) and tell her how much you like her art!

Yuuri took a deep breath before starting his way up the stairs and towards the intimidating government building. _ All I have to do is go inside and turn in my form. That’s it. _

A hand touched his shoulder, jarring him out of his thoughts. Yuuko asked, “Are you sure about this, Yuuri? I mean, if you do this…”

“I know.”

Yuuko continued, “But Yuuri, you won’t be transferred. If something happened, then…”

Yuuri took a deep breath and tried to fight off the panic that threatened to overtake him. “I know. But my family can’t afford a transfer android…”

“You could do a payment plan. That’s what most people do.”

Yuuri shook his head. “No. I… don’t want to be transferred…”

Yuuko’s hands flew to her mouth in shock. “But Yuuri… Why?”

Yuuri’s voice was barely a whisper. “I’m afraid…”

“Afraid? Of what?”

“What if I got transferred and I wasn’t myself anymore?”

Yuuko sighed. “Yuuri…”

“No, don’t try to talk me out of this, Yuuko. Don’t you remember what happened to Coach Itō?”

Yuuko flinched. Her hand subconsciously rubbed her upper arm. She sighed dejectedly.

“Ok, Yuuri. Let’s just… go turn in your form.”

***

“Have you chosen which model of android you wish to purchase, Mr. Nikiforov?”

Victor leaned back in his chair, resting his finger next to his mouth. “Hmm, I think that I would like the M-X72 model. My friend Christophe purchased one last year and recommended it.”

The man behind the desk nodded. “The M-X72 is our most popular all purpose android. I am sure that you will find it useful.”

The man cleared his throat. “There is one more thing I would like to discuss with you today. Our files show that you were scanned for a transfer android when you were 18.”

Victor nodded. “That is correct.”

“Transfer androids have improved exponentially in the last 7 years, Mr. Nikiforov. It would be an extra expense, but you might consider upgrading to the newest model. You could also get a new scan, if you wished.”

Victor asked, “What will happen to the old one?”

“We would remove the custom skin, and reuse the android. We would, of course, give you a discount on the new model.”

Victor nodded. “Yes, let’s do that. When could we set up the new scan?”

***

Five Years Later

Victor smiled as he rested his head in his palm and gazed dreamily across the table at his husband. Yuuri blushed slightly. 

“Do I have something on my face?”

Victor shook his head slightly. “No.”

Yuuri blushed redder. “Then why are you staring at me like that?”

“I was just thinking how lucky I am.”

Yuuri looked down towards the table. “I’m the lucky one…”

Victor’s smile widened. _ We’ve been married for almost two years, and he still gets embarrassed so easily. It’s adorable. _

Yuuri cleared his throat. “Anyway, we’re supposed to be celebrating your official transition from competing to coaching tonight.”

Victor sighed as he rubbed absently at his right knee. “I should have retired years ago. Thirty is too old to still be skating competitively.”

“Is your knee bothering you?”

Victor smirked slightly. “A little. It will be alright.”

Yuuri pursed his lips slightly. _ That fall he took in his comeback year really messed up his knee. It is the same one that he injured back when he started in the senior division, the one that he had to have surgery on. It hurts him more than he lets on. _

Yuuri reached under the table and covered Victor’s hand with his own. He gave it a gentle squeeze. “You’ll let me know if there is anything that I can do, right?”

Victor nodded. “You are so fortunate that you’ve not had any major injuries. You might be able to continue skating past thirty.”

Yuuri waved his hand dismissively. “I seriously doubt it. I have a feeling that this coming season will be my last before I join you on the coaching side.”

Victor pouted slightly. “But Yuuuuri, I love to watch you skate. I meant it when I said that I hope that you never retire.” 

Yuuri chuckled. “I can’t keep competing forever. But I’ll still skate for you.”

Victor’s smile returned. “I’ll hold you to that, love.”

***

Yuuri rested against the passenger seat as Victor drove home from the restaurant. The rain was not overly heavy, just enough to make the roads slick, and to necessitate the use of the windshield wipers. Victor’s attention was on the road and the traffic around him.

Yuuri looked to the side as they passed through an intersection just in time to see the large truck barrel through the red light. 

“Victor, look out!”

***

Several Days Later

Yuuri came to slowly. The first thing that he noticed was the incessant beeping sounds. _ It sounds kind of like hospital monitors. Am I in the hospital? _

_ What happened? _

Yuuri’s mind flashed back to the truck barreling towards them. The sound of twisting metal, and of someone screaming… Excruciating pain along his right side as the truck hit, before it all went black…

Yuuri’s eyes snapped open. He called out desperately, “Victor…” 

It came out as a quiet rasp. Yuuri’s eyes filled with tears of relief at the sight that greeted him. Victor was slumped over Yuuri’s bed, asleep.

Yuuri’s breath caught. _ Thank God, he’s okay. I thought… _

He reached out, tentatively touching Victor’s arm. Victor stirred, opening his eyes slowly. “Yuuri, you’re awake. How do you feel?” He grabbed Yuuri’s hand, holding it tightly in both of his.

Yuuri took a moment to assess himself. “I feel a little sore… and thirsty…” _ I’m surprised that I wasn’t hurt worse. That we’re both okay. That was a really bad accident… _

He looked down at the hand Victor was holding. His right hand. _ I remember hitting the side of the door. There’s no way that I wasn’t hurt. But there isn’t even any bruising… _

_ _

“Victor, what did you do?”

Victor went pale. “Yuuri, please try to understand…”

Yuuri’s eyes filled with tears. “How could you? You _ know _ how I feel about transfers!”

Victor bit his lip, a flash of anger in his eyes. He let go of Yuuri’s hand, pulling his arms back towards his body. “You’d rather be dead?”

Yuuri looked down and rubbed his arm subconsciously. “I… I don’t know…” He looked up at Victor and yelled, “But you had no right to take the choice away from me! I didn’t ask for this!”

Victor pressed his lips into a thin line. His body was rigid as he stood. “I see.” He walked calmly from the room. 

Yuuri’s eyes filled up with tears. _ What do I do now? I can’t believe that Victor would… that he would have me transferred against my will. Why? _

Yuuri covered his face with his hands, in an effort to hide his sobbing. _ I didn’t want this. I don’t, I can’t… _

Time seemed to stand still as Yuuri cried, his thoughts spiraling further and further down. 

_ Victor left. He left me. If I were him, I don’t know if I would come back. _

Yuuri cried himself to the point of exhaustion, passing out with tears still clinging to his lashes. 

*** 

Victor slid down the wall outside of Yuuri’s room, falling into a heap on the floor. He pulled his knees up, hugging them close to his body.

_ I can’t believe that he would rather be dead… _

_ Why is Yuuri so adamantly against transferring? _

Victor lowered his head to rest on his knees. His eyes filled with tears. _ I was so relieved when he woke, and the first thing that we do is fight. _

_ It hurts. _

From inside the room, Victor could hear the sound of Yuuri crying. He grit his teeth and steeled himself against the instinct to run in and comfort him. _ I can’t help him right now. He doesn’t want me. He needs to come to terms with this on his own. _

Victor cried quietly, his head down to hide his tears. The sound of sobbing from Yuuri’s room was enough to break his heart in two.

***

A Few Hours Later

Yuuri woke the second time with a raging headache. _ I didn’t think that androids got headaches… I guess the new models do? _

The chair next to his bed was empty. Victor had not returned. Yuuri felt tears pricking at his eyes. It felt like a vice was closing around his chest. _ He didn’t come back. He really isn’t coming back… What have I done? _

Yuuri sat up in bed, moaning as the pounding in his head intensified. He moved his hand towards his forehead and stopped, staring at his arm in shock. 

_ My right arm is fine, not a mark on it. But my left… _

His left arm was covered in bruises, and bandages that undoubtedly covered the wounds that he could feel burning with pain. There was an IV needle in his arm as well. _ Androids don’t bruise. They don’t need IVs. Oh, God, what have I done? _

_ I accused Victor of doing something awful. He’ll never forgive me… _

Yuuri felt a pang in his chest, like his heart was breaking in two. He cried out Victor’s name as he sobbed. _ Victor, I’m so sorry. Please, please come back… _

A pair of arms embraced Yuuri. He fell into the embrace. Through his tears, Yuuri cried out, “I’m sorry, Victor. I’m so sorry. I know you didn’t…”

Victor shushed him. “It’s okay. It was a lot to process…”

“But I shouldn’t have lashed out at you like that!”

Yuuri tightened his grip on Victor. “I… I should have been grateful that we’re both alive…”

Victor whispered. “It’s all right.”

Yuuri shook his head. _ It’s not. I can’t believe that I thought, even for a moment, that Victor would be capable of such a thing. _

Yuuri’s eyes widened as a sudden thought hit him. _ He didn’t have me transferred, but he did do something… _

Yuuri’s voice was barely audible, and still wavering with unshed tears, as he asked, “Victor, what _ did _ you do?”

Victor took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He pulled away slightly and cradled Yuuri’s face with his hand. “Your right arm and leg were badly hurt, sweetheart. They couldn’t… they had to…”

Yuuri’s voice shook as he asked, “They had to what?”

“They had to amputate them.”

Yuuri looked down at his right arm in shock. _ What? This is a prosthetic? _“But it looks so…”

Victor nodded. “They’re cyberbionic. It looks, feels, and works almost like the real thing.”

Yuuri stiffened. “But, Victor, cyberbionics are ruinously expensive! And they only last maybe 10 years!”

“I know. But it’s worth it, if it means that you can live as normally as possible.”

_ It was the only choice that I had, since you signed the non-transfer papers… _

Victor smiled sadly. “Even though I’m afraid that you will have to retire. The ISU has rules against cyberbionic limbs.”

Yuuri nodded numbly. _ I can’t believe that this is real. _He ran his hand over the cyberbionic arm.

_ I can feel everything, just like before. _

“Yuuri?”

Victor’s voice shook Yuuri out of his thoughts. “I’m okay… I think. It’s just a lot.”

Victor nodded.

Yuuri took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself. “I just need some time. I wish that I could just go home.” He could feel the tears trickling from his eyes.

Victor used his thumb to wipe away the tears on Yuuri’s cheeks. “Just a few more days, love. Then we can go home.”

_ Just a few days… _

Victor leaned in and kissed Yuuri gently on the forehead. He heard Yuuri sigh contentedly.

Victor rested his head against Yuuri’s. _ Just a few days… and then, hopefully, we can find some semblance of normal in what is left of our shattered life. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <strike>This story will update every Tuesday until it is completed.</strike>  
Real life has interfered slightly with the planned posting schedule. Please be patient, and hopefully the update will happen this weekend.


	2. Chapter 2

A Week Later

Yuuri sighed as he stepped into their apartment, his shoulders sagging in relief. “Home, finally.”

Victor nodded as he set their bags down inside of the door. “I had no idea that they were going to keep you for a whole week.” _ More like a week and a half, if you count the time that he was unconscious after the accident and the surgeries… _

Yuuri’s mouth quirked into a half smile. “You didn’t know that they were going to make me do physical therapy?”

Victor shook his head. “No, I thought, since cyberbionics are so similar to real limbs, that you would just naturally adjust to them. Of course, now I know that that was foolish.”

Yuuri flexed his right hand slowly, studying it as the fingers moved in and out. “It was a little strange at first, but they seem to be working okay now. The therapists were happy with my progress, anyway.”

_ Or at least that is what I want Victor to believe. I don’t want him to know that I can’t control them yet. That the therapists were concerned, that they wanted me to stay in the hospital until my control improved... _

“You still have to go to therapy twice a week for a few months.”

Victor’s comment snapped Yuuri out of his thoughts. “But at least I get to be home.” 

Desperate to change the topic, Yuuri looked around the room. “Where’s Zhul’ka?”

_ Poor puppy, she probably thought that we abandoned her. I’m surprised that she didn’t jump us as soon as we hit the door. Like she always has, a habit she picked up from Makka... _

“Oh, I called Yuri and asked him to come get her. I didn’t know how long we were going to be at the hospital, and I didn’t want her to get lonely. She’s still just a puppy, after all. And since she gets along well with his cat…”

Yuuri nodded. He toed off his shoes, taking off the left shoe first. He gasped in horror as the inadvertent force from his right foot caused the shoe to launch across the living room. 

“Oh my God, I’m sorry. I’ll go get it.”

Victor put his hand on Yuuri’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay, love. Accidents happen, and you’re still getting used to them. Nothing broke. I’ll get the shoe. Just try to relax, okay?”

Yuuri nodded dejectedly. _ I’m never going to get used to them. Usually they are fine, they feel almost like my real arm and leg. But sometimes… _

_ Sometimes I feel like I can’t control them. And that… terrifies me… _

***

A Few Days Later

The apartment was silent. Victor sat on the couch, his back against the arm and his feet curled up on the far side. Zhul’ka was sitting in his lap, curled up half asleep. Victor ran his hand through her soft brown fur absently as he read. His phone rang, shattering the quiet. Victor set down his book and looked at the screen. He smiled when he saw Chris’ name on the caller id and hit the accept button.

“Chris!”

“Hello, Victor. How are things, since…”

Victor sighed. “I don’t know. Tense? Like he’s hiding something from me.” 

Chris asked, “Is Yuuri around?”

Victor shook his head. “No, he had therapy.”

“Have you told him yet, Victor?”

Victor bit his lower lip. 

“I’m going to take your silence as a no.” Chris sighed, his exasperation evident. “Victor, you accuse him of keeping things from you, and yet…”

Victor ran his hand through his hair roughly, pulling on it slightly in frustration. “I know.”

He stood abruptly, sending Zhul’ka tumbling from his lap onto the floor. She yelped in protest.

“Victor, you _ have _ to tell him. This isn’t something that you can just keep to yourself.”

Victor started to pace, trying to dispel his sudden feeling of unease. “_ I know! _ But… how can I? You… you didn’t see his face, Chris. And he’s still trying to adjust… How can I tell him?”

Chris’ voice was stern as he asked, “What are you going to do when he finds out? And he _ will _find out, eventually. Yuuri’s not stupid, Victor.”

Victor closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, his pacing ceased. “I know. I just… I need a little more time. I’ll tell him, just not yet.”

“This is a dangerous game that you’re playing, my friend. I just hope that you don’t get burned.” 

***

A Week Later

Victor hummed quietly as he folded the laundry, still warm from the dryer. He smiled. _ Yuuri should almost be done with dinner. _

The distinct sound of plates breaking came from the kitchen, followed by a loud cry. Victor cried out, “Yuuri!” as he sprinted out of the laundry room. 

Yuuri was crumpled on the floor of the kitchen, the remnants of two plates shattered on the floor in front of him. The stir fry that was supposed to be dinner was mixed in with the shards of the broken plates. Yuuri had his face buried in his hands, but Victor could see the tears that coursed down his face.

Victor asked frantically, “Yuuri? Are you hurt, sweetheart?”

Yuuri shook his head. “No, but I… I ruined… I ruined everything…”

Victor shushed him. “No, you didn’t. It was just an accident. It will be okay.”

Yuuri cried out, “Just an accident? I’ve been having a lot of ‘accidents’. It’s because of this arm, this leg. They’re not natural. I wish I didn’t have them!”

“Yuuri, you don’t mean that.”

Yuuri looked up from his hands, his frustration and anger burning in his eyes. “Yes, I do! What if I hurt someone because I can’t control these damn things? What if I hurt you?”

“You couldn’t hurt me, Yuuri.”

Yuuri sniffled, “How can you be sure?”

Victor stepped gingerly around the broken shards, and knelt down next to Yuuri. He gathered Yuuri into a comforting embrace. “Because I know you. And you would never, ever hurt me.”

Yuuri put his arms around Victor and held on with all of his might. He let his head rest on Victor’s shoulder, his tears flowing down his face and soaking Victor’s shirt. Victor patiently held him, rubbing small circles on Yuuri’s back as he cried. 

Several minutes passed before Yuuri sniffled a final time and slowly pulled away from Victor. “I’m… I’m sorry. I’m such a disaster. All I did was stumble. This leg didn’t take as long of a step as I wanted it to… and the next thing I knew, I was on the floor, and so was our dinner…”

Victor used the pad of his thumb to gently wipe away the tears clinging to Yuuri’s eyelashes. “It’s okay, love. We’ll clean it up, and I’ll order us some take out.”

Yuuri took a deep, shuddering breath and nodded slowly. “Okay.”

***

A Few Hours Later

Yuuri sighed as Victor wrapped his arms around him, pulling his back up against Victor’s chest. _ I feel so safe and wanted, despite all that has happened, when he holds me in his arms. _

_ Like he meant it when he said that I would never hurt him. _

Yuuri felt the all-too-familiar pricking of tears behind his eyes. _ I need to tell him the truth. It’s not fair to keep this from him. _

“Victor?” Yuuri’s voice was barely a whisper.

Victor replied sleepily, “Yes, love?”

Yuuri turned in Victor’s embrace to face him. “I… I have something that I to tell you… I’m sorry…”

Victor searched Yuuri’s face and immediately noticed the tear-filled eyes and the worry lines on Yuuri’s forehead. _ He looks crushed… Did he… I’ve been so careful… How…? _

“What is it?”

Yuuri took a deep breath. Tears started to fall from Yuuri’s eyes. “I should have told you… But you have done so much since the… and I didn’t want you to worry… I’m sorry…”

He rested his head against Victor’s shoulder, the sound of his tears muffled. Victor’s eyes were wide in shock. _ He didn’t… He doesn’t know… _

_ But what is it that he’s so distraught over? _

Victor turned his head and gently kissed the top of Yuuri’s head. “Sweetheart, please tell me what it is? I can’t help you if I don’t know.”

Yuuri nodded slowly. “It’s my cyberbionics… I… They… I don’t… I can’t…”

Victor ran his hand through Yuuri’s hair. “You can’t what?” _ Is this about what happened earlier? Accidents happen, cyberbionic limbs or not. Why is he letting it get to him so much? _

Yuuri sniffled and let out a slow breath. “The doctor, and the therapists, at the hospital. They were concerned. I… I lied when I said that they were happy with my progress. Something about how sometimes the mind tries to reject the new limbs? And they were afraid that was what was happening to me. They wanted me to stay in the hospital longer, to monitor my progress more closely. But I just wanted to come home…”

“So I convinced the doctor to release me, even though he didn’t feel that I was ready.”

Victor sucked in a breath. _ I didn’t realize that he might reject the limbs. The doctor didn’t mention that as a possibility when he offered them as an option. Is that why he has to go to therapy for so long? I thought that was a little unusual… _

He wrapped his arms around Yuuri and pulled him in tight to his chest. “Oh, Yuuri. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Yuuri sniffled softly. “I didn’t want you to worry. I mean… we’ve been through so much. And you… you had to make all of those decisions while I was… I didn’t want to make it worse.”

Victor kissed Yuuri’s temple and whispered, “You haven’t. You couldn’t. So please, tell me when something is bothering you. So we can fix it, together.”

***

A Few Weeks Later

Yuuri groaned as he walked towards the front door. “I don’t want to go to therapy today.”

Victor walked over to Yuuri and pulled him into an embrace. “I know, but you said that they’ve been going better, right?”

Yuuri nodded. “Yes, but they still hurt. Like I’m pushing my whole body to the limit, and not just the cyberbionics. I’m just… tired.”

Victor kissed Yuuri lightly on the forehead. “We can order pizza for dinner tonight, if you like. Avoid having to cook and clean up the mess? And I’ll run you a hot bath when you get home.”

Yuuri sighed. “That sounds nice. Thank you, Victor.”

Victor tilted Yuuri’s chin up and gently kissed him. As he pulled away, Victor said, “Have a good therapy session, love.”

Yuuri smiled wanly. “I’ll try. But I probably should get going, or I’ll be late.”

Victor nodded as he stepped away from Yuuri. “Be careful.” 

Yuuri nodded. “I will.”

He stopped to slip on his shoes and coat before opening the door. Yuuri walked out into the hallway and allowed the door to close softly behind him. He sighed as he walked up to the elevator. _ I used to take the stairs. I _ ** _preferred _ ** _ to take the stairs. But ever since the accident… I’ve been afraid to. Afraid of what might happen… _

_ How long will it take for my life to return to normal? Or will it ever? _

The elevator door opened. Yuuri slumped against the far wall of the elevator and waited for it to descend to the ground floor. _ I should check and see if my ride's here yet. _

He reached into his pocket to pull out his phone, only to find that his pocket was empty. Yuuri clicked his tongue in frustration. _ I forgot my phone. I never do that. I’ll have to go back for it… _

The elevator settled on the bottom floor and the door opened. Yuuri groaned as he pressed the button to return to their apartment. He rested his head against the wall of the elevator. _ I’m going to be late. I hope my therapist doesn’t think I’m trying to skip out. _

_ I want to get better. I’m tired of this, of all of it. Of worrying when I’ll have another “accident”. Of Victor having to walk around on eggshells because he’s afraid that I’m going to break. _

_ I shouldn’t have told him about the limb rejection. He worries about it, I can tell. _

_ I just want things to be normal again. _

The elevator door opened. Yuuri hurried down the hall to their apartment, digging his keys out of his coat pocket as he walked. He slid the key into the lock and opened the door. “Victor, I forgot my phone…”

Yuuri stopped dead in the doorway as he took in the scene in front of him. Victor was seated in a chair next to the modem jack. There was a wire traveling from the jack up to Victor’s arm, where what looked like a small panel was pulled back near his wrist. Victor’s eyes were wide, his mouth agape.

Yuuri’s eyes filled with tears. It felt like someone had punched him in the gut. “Wh… What…?”

_ He’s an android…? Since when? The accident? Why… _

_ Why would he… And why would he keep it from me? _

Victor’s eyes were wide, his voice panicked. “Yuuri, I can explain…”

Yuuri swallowed dryly. His voice was eerily calm, even to his own ears. “There’s nothing to explain.” 

Victor’s voice cracked as he begged, “Yuuri, please.”

Yuuri yelled, “_ How could you?!? _How could you let yourself become… that… that thing? Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

Victor blanched. “So you’d rather me be dead?”

Hot tears fell from Yuuri’s eyes. He clutched his shirt above his heart, the pain overwhelming. _ Doesn’t he get it? The Victor I knew, the Victor I loved… is dead… _

Yuuri blindly ran into the bedroom. He pulled out a suitcase from under the bed and threw it on the bed. Yuuri sobbed uncontrollably as he randomly threw clothes into the suitcase. _ I can’t… I can’t believe… he did _ ** _that_ ** _ … and didn’t tell me… _

_ I can’t stay here, not with that thing. _

Yuuri struggled to breathe as he zipped up the suitcase. _ I have to go. _

He yanked the suitcase off of the bed and roughly took the handle. Yuuri pulled the suitcase behind him as he stormed out of the bedroom. He stopped only long enough to grab his phone off of the kitchen counter. Yuuri stuffed it into his pocket as he hurried towards the door. He struggled to see through the tears that blurred his vision.

Victor asked desperately, “Where are you going?”

“_ AWAY! _ I can’t stay here.” Yuuri looked straight ahead, refusing to look back at Victor. 

Victor pleaded, “Please, Yuuri… don’t go. We can talk…”

_ _

Yuuri ignored the sound of pain in Victor’s voice. _ It’s just a machine. Don’t trust it. I can’t trust it. _

He grabbed the door handle and yanked the door open. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

The sound of the door slamming shut behind him echoed in his ears as he hurried down the hall. 

Victor didn’t follow him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes:  
1\. Makka was an old dog. I'm sorry, I tried to make it as painless as possible.  
2\. Victor didn't follow Yuuri because of the diagnostic test he was running. He'd been warned that interrupting a test could lead to some pretty dire consequences. He wanted to follow Yuuri, but he couldn't risk it.
> 
> I absolutely love the art that Bectara made for this chapter. It honestly made me want to cry, and I wrote the scene!
> 
> <strike>I plan to post the third and final chapter next Sunday!</strike>  
Unfortunately, life sometimes happens. I hope to get the last chapter up soon, however.


	3. Chapter 3

Yuuri dragged himself down the hallway, his body numb and his mind in a state of shock. He stopped in front of a closed door and pressed the doorbell.

_ I don’t even know if he’s home, but… I have nowhere else to go... _

The door opened, revealing Phichit’s smiling face. Phichit’s smile fell as he took in Yuuri’s appearance. 

“Yuuri, what happened?”

Yuuri’s eyes filled up with tears. “Can… can I stay with you for a while? Victor… he… I…”

Yuuri’s chest constricted as he began to sob, unable to speak. Phichit’s eyes widened in shock. He stepped forward and enveloped his friend in comforting embrace, rubbing small, comforting circles on Yuuri’s back.

Yuuri clung to Phichit like a lifeline. He rested his head on Phichit’s shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably. His heart felt like it was breaking in two. 

Phichit held Yuuri until his sobs turned to sniffles and his breathing returned to normal. He pulled away slowly and looked at Yuuri.

_ God, he looks absolutely wrecked. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look _ ** _this_ ** _ bad before… _

Yuuri’s eyes were red and puffy. The expression on his face was one of agony, like someone had died. 

“You know that you can stay as long as you want, Yuuri. But what the Hell did Victor do?”

Yuuri sniffled. “Victor lied to me…”

Phichit stiffened in surprise. _ Huh? I can’t imagine that Victor would keep anything from Yuuri, especially not something so important that it would cause _ ** _this_ ** _ kind of reaction… _

“What did he lie about, exactly?”

Yuuri felt new tears threaten behind his eyes. “He… he’s not human… not since the accident…”

Phichit’s eyes went wide. “He transferred. And he didn’t tell you?”

Yuuri nodded. A tear made its way slowly down his cheek as he whispered, “Yes…”

Phichit sighed heavily. “Oh, Yuuri…Come on, let’s get you inside.”

Yuuri nodded dejectedly and allowed Phichit to guide him into the apartment. Phichit closed the door behind them. “I don’t have a guest room or anything, but the couch folds out.”

“It’s better than a hotel. Thanks, Phichit.” Yuuri scrubbed his arm across his face.

Phichit nodded. “No problem.”

“I think I’m going to get cleaned up, if that’s okay?”

Phichit pointed down the hall. “You know where the bathroom is. Towels are under the sink. Use whatever you need.”

Yuuri nodded slowly as he made his way down the hall, almost in a daze.

Phichit pressed his lips into a thin line. _ Poor Yuuri… _

_ What the Hell was Victor thinking? Why didn’t he tell him? I mean, everyone that knows Yuuri knows how he feels about transfer androids. And it was only a matter of time until Yuuri found out the truth. _

_ And his reaction is as bad as I feared it would be… _

***

An Hour Later

Victor ran his hand through his hair for the hundredth time. _ He left… He really left… And I couldn’t stop him. Not while I was running that damned diagnostic. They warned me about that. _

He checked his phone again, hoping that Yuuri had replied to one of the numerous calls and texts Victor had left. _ Of course he hasn’t. He wouldn’t. Not after what I did… _

Victor scrubbed his hand across his eyes, dashing away the tears that were forming. He jumped as the sound of the doorbell shattered the silence. Victor all but ran to the door in his haste to open it. _ I know that it isn’t him. It can’t be, right? But what if it is? _

_ What if Yuuri came back? _

Victor opened the door, revealing a slightly disheveled Chris on the other side. Chris offered a slight smile. “I got here as soon as I could.” He looked Victor over. “You look terrible.”

Victor sighed and sarcastically replied. “Thank you, Chris.” Victor stepped to the side, opening the door to allow Chris to enter the apartment. Chris was pulling a small suitcase behind him.

Victor eyed the bag suspiciously. “A bag?”

“I have a feeling I might be staying for a while.”

Victor’s face fell. “I really messed this up, didn’t I?”

Chris nodded slowly. “Yes. I had a feeling that this might happen. We all know how Yuuri feels about transfers.”

Tears formed in Victor’s eyes as he cried out in frustration. “But why? What could have possibly happened to make him hate androids so much?”

“He never told you?”

Victor shook his head. “No… I didn’t want to push him. Whatever happened, it was traumatic. He doesn’t talk about it.”

Tears fell down Victor’s face. “What am I going to do, Chris? He won’t… I tried to call him. He won’t pick up. He hasn’t replied to any of my texts. I don’t know where he went. I don’t…”

“I don’t know how to fix this…”

Chris rested his hand on Victor’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I don’t know if you can.”

Victor’s breath caught. _ He… he might never come back… _

His legs gave out from under him, sending him to the floor. Victor’s body doubled over as he began to sob, his body shaking uncontrollably. Tears forced themselves from Victor’s eyes. Unconsciously, Victor grasped at his shirt, just above his heart.

Chris knelt down next to Victor. “Victor… is there anything…?”

Victor shook his head. He looked up at Chris and, with a voice still thick with tears, whispered. “I didn’t know that an artificial heart could break…”

***

The Next Day

“Are you ready to talk about it?”

“Huh?”

Yuuri looked up from his phone. He was pointedly ignoring all of the calls and texts from Victor. _ I have nothing to say to that… that… thing… _

Phichit sighed as he settled onto the couch next to Yuuri. “I want to help you, Yuuri. But I need to know what happened.”

“I already told you. Victor lied to me. After the accident…”

Phichit shook his head. “No, not that. I mean, will you _ finally _ tell me what happened to make you hate transfer androids so much? I mean, it is not a general hatred of androids. If it was, you would have made Victor get rid of his when you moved in.”

Yuuri looked away from Phichit. “I… I don’t want to talk about it.”

Phichit grabbed Yuuri by the arms. “Look at me.”

Yuuri tentatively looked at Phichit. His eyes widened slightly at the look of pure determination on Phichit’s face.

“Yuuri, whatever this is, you’ve been carrying it around for years. Long before I knew you. Tell me. So I can help. Please.”

Yuuri sighed. “All right. I’ll tell you.”

Phichit visibly relaxed, letting go of Yuuri’s arms and sitting back against the arm of the couch. “I’m listening.”

“You know how I started taking skating lessons at Ice Castle in Hasetsu, right? With Yuuko and Takeshi?”

Phichit nodded.

“Takeshi was never very good at ice skating. He never got beyond the basic figures, and a single jump or two. But Yuuko was good. Good enough that her parents brought in a special figure skating coach. Coach Itō. A retired figure skater from a nearby town.”

“He was amazing, Phichit. I learned so much from him. We both did.”

Yuuri took a deep breath, attempting to center himself. _ This next part, it is still so hard to say. Even after all of these years. Yuuko and I don’t talk about it. We just all… wanted to forget… _

_ But I couldn’t. _

Yuuri rubbed his upper arm absently. “We didn’t have any kind of warning. It was like someone threw a switch. He changed so suddenly. I don’t know how else to explain it. He just… went off.”

“Coach Itō attacked Yuuko.”

Phichit gasped. “_ WHAT?!? _”

Yuuri nodded. “I know. We didn’t see it coming, either. One moment, everything was fine. And the next, he hit Yuuko so hard that she fell back onto the ice.”

Yuuri lowered his head. “I can still hear it sometimes. The cry of pain and fear as she fell. The sound of the impact on the ice. I can still see the uncaring sneer on his face, the look of fear on her face as she looked up at him. And I was powerless to stop him.”

Phichit swallowed dryly. “This Itō guy, he was an android?”

Yuuri nodded. “We didn’t know. We were just kids. I… don’t really remember what happened next… Maybe her parents came in and saw him? Maybe Mari ran for help? She used to watch us practice…”

“It doesn’t really matter. They decommissioned him. Said he was defective. Something about his wiring going haywire? I didn’t really understand it.”

“Yuuko quit figure skating after that.”

Yuuri squeezed his arm. “She still has a scar on her arm where he hit her. Flesh and bone just can’t withstand the metal infrastructure of an android…”

Phichit pursed his lips together. “So that is why you don’t want to be transferred? Cause of this old coach of yours?”

Yuuri nodded. “What if… what if I ended up like him? What if I transferred and I wasn’t me anymore?”

_ What if Victor isn’t Victor? _

_ I couldn’t stand to see that happen. It would break me. _

_ I would rather leave than see him change into that. _

Phichit sighed. “Yuuri. That was almost twenty years ago. They’ve improved androids so much since then.”

“I know.”

“Most of the time people can’t even tell the difference between an android and a human anymore. That is why they don’t announce that the person died if they transferred. Cause, really, they didn’t.”

Yuuri closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the couch. “I know all that. And next you’re going to point out that I lived with Victor for over a month and never noticed. That if I hadn’t seen him…” Yuuri’s voice trailed off.

Phichit shook his head. “If you hadn’t seen him plugged into the wall, you would have never noticed.”

Yuuri’s head snapped up. “He still should have told me!”

Phichit pursed his lips into a thin line. 

Yuuri’s eyes narrowed. “You disagree.”

Phichit looked down, away from Yuuri. “Yes, I do. I’m sorry, Yuuri, but I don’t blame Victor for keeping it a secret.”

“What? Why?”

“He knew what your reaction would be. Hell, we _ all _knew! You’ve never kept your feelings about androids a secret. We kept our secrets, because we feared that you would rather us be dead!”

Yuuri flinched back, like Phichit had slapped him across the face. His voice was quiet and shaking as he asked, “We?”

Phichit’s eyes went wide as he realized his mistake. _ Shit. Shit, shit, shit! _

Yuuri asked, “How long?”

He hung his head, afraid to look Yuuri in the eyes. “Two years? Since I collapsed at the Four Continents…”

Phichit glanced at Yuuri’s face. He blanched slightly. _ I’ve never seen him make that face before… I can’t read it. It’s like a strange mixture of disappointment, disgust, and despair… _

“My heart stopped, Yuuri. They tried to save my body, but it was too late. This was the only way.”

Yuuri whispered, “Two years… for two years you’ve been lying to me.” 

Yuuri stood, clenching his fists as tears streamed down his face. He yelled, “You sat here and pretended to be my friend! You listened to me cry over what Victor did, when you've been doing the same damn thing, _ for two years _ ! _ How could you? _”

Yuuri turned and walked towards the door. He stopped to shove his feet into his shoes and grabbed his coat. 

Phichit’s voice was panicked as he hesitantly asked, “Where are you going?”

Yuuri slammed his hand against the door. “I don’t know! Away from you, away from Victor. Somewhere where you can’t find me!”

Yuuri grabbed the door handle and flung the door open. He hurried into the hall and slammed the door closed behind him before Phichit could respond.

***

Yuuri pushed open the door. The bar was dimly lit and sparsely occupied. He sighed heavily as he moved towards the bar and sank onto a stool.

_ I don’t even remember deciding to come to a bar. _

The bartender stopped in front of him and asked, “What’ll it be?”

“Sake.”

The bartender shook his head. “Sorry, we don’t have it.”

Yuuri sighed. “Whiskey then. On the rocks.”

The bartender nodded and walked off to fix Yuuri’s drink. Yuuri rested his elbows on the bar and buried his head in his hands. He fought against the tears that threatened behind his eyes.

_ I can’t believe that my best friend is one of them. That he has been one for the last two years… _

_ And he never said a word… _

_ How could he…? _

“Rough day?”

The gravelly voice shook Yuuri out of his thoughts. He sighed as he moved his hands away from his face. “You could say that.”

Yuuri turned to see the owner of the voice. It was an older man, sitting a few stools away from him. The man smiled kindly. “We all have days like that. Want to talk about it?”

Yuuri shook his head. “No… thank you. I think I’m still trying to process it all.”

The bartender returned with Yuuri’s drink. Yuuri took a sip and set it down on the bar. He grimaced. _ I forgot how much whiskey burns… _

The man nodded slowly. “I understand. It took a while before I was willing to talk, after my wife passed.”

“I’m so sorry.”

The man smiled wanly. “Thank you. It’s been nearly five years, and I still miss her. I would do anything if I could see her one more time.”

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “We were signed up to transfer. We’d get to spend more time together, in bodies that would stay young and vital. But…”

Yuuri asked tentatively, “But?”

“She died in her sleep.”

Yuuri went stiff. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” _ How terrible. To not even be given the choice to transfer or not. To just wake up with the other person gone… _

_ But… If Victor hadn’t have transferred, that would have been me. I would have… _

Yuuri felt the tears start falling from his eyes. 

“Hey now, I didn’t share my story with you to make you cry.”

Yuuri shook his head. “No, it’s not that…”

_ If Victor had not transferred, I would have woken in the hospital after the accident. Broken and alone. _

_ But he was there. He made all of the hard decisions for me while I laid there sleeping. When I woke, he was the first thing I thought of, and the first thing I saw. _

Yuuri’s eyes went wide. _ I have made a terrible mistake. Will he ever forgive me? _

“I… I gotta go…” Yuuri leapt up from the stool and hurried out of the bar without a backward glance.

***

Chris sighed as he walked into the living room. Victor was still sitting on the couch, in the same spot where he had left him hours before, knees pulled in close to his chest. Chris shook his head.

_ He looks awful. If he was still human, his eyes would no doubt be bloodshot, his skin pallid, from lack of sleep. _

_ I’m worried. If this continues, will the lack of rest affect his memory? Will he purposefully miss his diagnostics? _

“Victor?”

Chris’ voice seemed to shake Victor out of his stupor. He looked up and blinked as he focused on his friend in the doorway. Victor’s eyes filled with tears.

“He’s never coming back, is he?”

Chris walked over to the couch and sat down close to Victor. “We don’t know that. He could come back any minute.”

Victor shook his head. “I… I don’t think so. I really messed up.”

Chris pursed his lips together. _ This is exactly the wrong time to say ‘I told you so.’ _

“I wish I hadn’t transferred.”

_ “WHAT?!? _Victor, how could you say that? How could you even think that?”

Tears fell freely down Victor’s face as he cried out, “He _ left _, Chris! Yuuri left! What good is it, being ‘alive’, if I have to live without him? I would rather be dead!”

“You don’t mean that.”

“_Yes, I do!” _Victor’s face showed a mixture of pain and anger.

“I don’t want to live without him. I don’t know if I can…” Victor lowered his head to his knees, crying quietly. 

_ If he doesn’t come back… I don’t know… Maybe… _

A soft knock on the door interrupted Victor’s thoughts. His head shot up. He looked towards the door. Victor whispered softly, “Yuuri?”

_ It can’t be, right? _

Victor scrambled to get off the couch and reach the door. _ But what if it is? What if he came back? _

He opened the door, ready for disappointment. Instead, his breath caught.

_ Yuuri! He… he looks awful. Has he been crying? It looks like he has. I caused that… _

Yuuri took in the sight in front of him. _ Victor… I didn’t know that androids could look so distressed… I did this. It is all my fault… _

Victor opened his mouth to speak, but Yuuri held up his hands. “Wait, let me go first, please?”

Victor’s eyes went wide. He nodded. “Okay.”

Yuuri’s eyes filled with tears. “I… I’m so sorry, Victor. I know… I know that keeping this secret from me was hard on you. And I know why you did. I never told you why I hated transfers, and that was wrong of me.”

He looked down, away from Victor, as he continued, “I should have been grateful that you are still here. That I wasn’t left alone, broken and grieving, after the accident… But instead I… I’m so sorry…”

Yuuri looked up at Victor. “I have no right to ask this, not after what I did, but is there any way that you could possibly forgive me? I just… want to come home…”

Victor stood still in the doorway for a long moment. _ Is this a dream? Did I fall into sleep mode unintentionally? This can’t be real, right? _

He held his arms open, inviting Yuuri to step into his embrace. Yuuri’s eyes went wide in surprise._ He’s forgiving me, just like that? No, I don’t think so. I think… this is more of an invitation to try and make things right… _

Yuuri stepped into Victor’s embrace, sighing as Victor wrapped his arms around him. Victor pulled him in tight and whispered into Yuuri’s ear, “I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you. I was scared. That you wouldn’t want me anymore. That you would leave me.”

_ And you did… but you came back. Not to end it, like I feared, but to fix it. _

“I would like nothing more than for you to come home.”

_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A HUGE thank you to Bectara for the amazing art! She absolutely blew me away! 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and being patient about updates. If you enjoyed this fic, please look forward to an Otayuri story set in the same alternate universe, coming soon as part of the Otayuri Bang!

**Author's Note:**

> I’m happy to finally share this angsty story that has been buzzing around in my head since February. I hope that you all enjoy it.  
Again, please visit Bectara's [Deviantart account](https://www.deviantart.com/bectara) and tell her how awesome her art is!


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